Hate to be Rude: A Tiger sighting?
• Multiple reports say Tiger Woods is receiving treatment at a sex-rehabilitation clinic in Hattiesburg, Miss.
And here I had thought just being anywhere in Hattiesburg qualifies as rehab.
• RadarOnline.com photos are circulating of someone who looks just like Woods at the Pine Grove Behavorial Health & Addicition Services facility there. It’s hard to tell for sure because the person is partially disguised in a Bill Belichick-style hoodie.
If a first-round playoff loss isn’t bad enough, now Belichick’s lack of fashion sense is mentioned tangentially in the Woods caper. Some Januarys apparently are worse than others.
• It’s not just Letterman, Leno and Conan, et al., having a field day with Woods. John Daly is the latest TV comic to trot out his version of Tiger humor.
Sporting a Tiger-stripe blazer in typically loud JD fashion, Daly did his standup bit Tuesday on Sports Soup on Versus. I’m thinking Versus got it backwards. If it really wants to boost ratings, it would have Woods do a JD monologue.
Or at least break a few whiskey bottles while singing a sad country song.
• All right; JD was moderately funny. At one point, Daly said, “Whatever he does off the course is nobody’s business but his.” Then, as a series of photos of different women flashed on a screen behind him, he said, “And Elin’s . . . and hers . . . and hers . . . and hers.”
But then the bit would have worked using the photos and names of Tim Finchem, agent Mark Steinberg and Phils surnamed Knight and Mickelson.
• News reportage of Woods in a rehab center is the best PR he has had in months.
Hey, times change. It used to be winning yet again at Torrey Pines qualified as good news this time of year.
• Finchem called a news conference the other day to announce the addition of a fifth Fall Series event, this one in Sea Island, Ga.
Couldn’t he just have sent a mass e-mail to Tour bottom-feeders telling them to rejoice and that, by the way, he hasn’t totally forgotten about them?
• By the way, Finchem said during that conference call that over the years, tournaments Woods doesn’t play have “grown higher exponentially” than tournaments Woods has played in. And the five tournaments giving most to charity are non-Woods events.
I’m spinning so much, I didn’t even notice someone tried to put a chocolate sundae on top of my slab of months-old dogmeat.
• Chick magnets Fred Couples and Tommy Armour III are now senior golfers. Not sure if that makes me feel young or old.
• Just got my answer. Couples said the other day, “I feel like my body is as stiff as Jack Nicklaus’.”
Apparently 50 is the new 70, not the other way around.
• Couples says he plans to make about 12 starts on the PGA Tour and 10 on the Champions Tour. It would be only the second year he’d play 22 Tour events since 1992.
“People want to know a goal,” Couples said. “It’s not winning. It’s really to see if I can play that many tournaments.”
A decade ago, the laid-back Couples often said he would have no interest in playing the over-50 circuit because he thought it was too much of a “grind.’’ His outlook has changed.
“What I’m looking forward to is really having fun and seeing the fellows,” he said. “To be honest with you, I don’t really care if I don’t play great golf.”
So much for that “grind’’ business.
• Baseball Hall of Famer Yogi Berra, 84, is the first “classic ambassador” at this week’s Bob Hope Classic. That means he hits the ceremonial tee shot, makes several appearances and sticks his foot in his mouth.
You thought Hope was funny. He tried. Berra doesn’t.
“The funny thing is, I don’t even know I say them,” Berra said the other day about his countless Yogisms. “They just come out.”
Berra has come out with so many good quotes over the years, nobody ever quotes him anymore.
• A hundo says Berra or anybody else can’t keep up with the birdies at the Hope track meet. The four courses used at last year’s Hope were the four easiest on the 2009 PGA Tour, and three of them are back.
Part of the story is an exposed myth. You say Jack Nicklaus designs are too hard? Well, the Nicklaus Private Course at PGA West yielded a 66.98 scoring average last year, lowest since the Tour started tracking such things in 1983.
P.S. Let’s hope Nicklaus doesn’t read this. If he does, his next 18-hole sketch might feature a series of 235-yard forced carries.
• Geoff Ogilvy and Ryan Palmer won the first two PGA Tour events and Charl Schwartzel won back-to-back in Europe.
Still waiting for the needle to move on my alarm clock.
• Sony Open runner-up Robert Allenby has 49 top-10 finishes since his last victory at the 2001 Marconi Pennsylvania Classic.
Banking aside, not sure if that’s good news or bad.