Welcome to the Monday Scramble. Did you know that babies are born without kneecaps? Weird!
(Sorry, we’ve been spending way too much time on Michelle Wie’s Twitter page…)
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STORY OF THE WEEK: Following the U.S. Super Slip N’ Slide Championship last week, USGA officials have transformed Bethpage Black into a desert course (and rather quickly, may we add).
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CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES, C’MON!: Just to set things straight, Lucas Glover recently won the U.S. Open and not the Long Island Open, which just may have fit better given his reaction on the 18th green last Monday at Bethpage Blah, er… Black.
(Please note: The purpose of this article is to make the argument that we shouldn’t pooh-pooh a man’s “celebration” just because he doesn’t throw a cow over the clubhouse roof as one might expect, so don’t send us angry e-mails just yet, Mrs. Glover.)
From what we can remember last week, Glover picked his ball out of the cup, lifted one fist about head-high and smiled, kind of – nothing to really signal he’d just won a certain championship for which some New Yawkahs we talked to last week would have traded their first bawn.
Some of Glover’s cousins actually wore shirts last Monday featuring the saying “Lucas Locos,” which loosely translates via our 8th-grade Spanish dictionary (and the shirt’s improper grammar) into “Lucas’ Crazies” or “Crazy Lucas.”
Come to think of it, how do you say “ironic” in Spanish? Let us count a few ways.
After winning the U.S. Open:
• Lucas Glover’s putter looked more excited than he did.
• Glover started walking to the 73rd hole by accident.
• You could hear Retief Goosen’s reaction.
You get the picture. Glover, supposedly one of the nicest dudes on the PGA Tour, just also happens to also be one of the most unaffected – which just so happens to be one those specific qualities we so often look for in predicting future major champions.
And so we hammer him for it!
How many times last week did you hear a friend say something like, “How about that Lucas Glover winning the U.S. Open? My wife was more excited yesterday when I remembered to put the toilet seat down.”
Funny, maybe. Fair, no way.
Look, we know we said about a month ago that we want more dramatic celebrations (i.e. “We want someone to use the flagstick to pole vault into the scoring trailer”).
But that doesn’t mean we need to rip on the nice guys that just don’t have it their DNA.
Think about it for a second:
• If you couldn’t believe that Glover had just won the U.S. Open, how do you think he felt? He’s so out of it that he shot three 65s this week and tied for 11th at the Travelers Championship.
• No one with a Southern drawl that deep has the ability to shriek like a little girl anyway.
• His underpants were so waterlogged from all the rain that he couldn’t have gotten off the ground even if he wanted to.
• Just because Phil Mickelson or David Duval didn’t win doesn’t make it right to think that it wasn’t also a dream come true for Glover.
Whatever you do, don’t ever think the celebration has any relation to the appreciation. This is golf, not “American Idol.” There are no judges.
“I don’t know if I have enough energy to do anything crazy,” Glover said after his victory. “It was a long and crazy week with the delays and the weather and the back-and-forth to the course and all that.
“And that’s the first time I’ve contended in a major. And mentally, I was done. I don’t think I could have thought up a good celebration, other than run over there and give my man, Coop, a big hug, and that’s just what came natural, I guess.”
Yesterday at the Travelers Championship, champion Kenny Perry dropped his putter as his final putt fell into the hole. He raised his two arms into the air and threw his ball into the stands. He hugged his wife and picked her off the ground.
It was great scene, especially considering the one filled with tears and disappointment we saw in April at the Masters.
It’s just what came natural to Perry, which is all we can really ask for.
If Lucas Glover did a rain dance on the 18th green at Bethpage, he wouldn’t be Lucas Glover.
He’d be Rich Beem.
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CREATE-A-CAPTION: This week…
Real caption: Lucas Glover and Vijay Singh talk during a break in the action during Round 1 of the Travelers Championship. (Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images)
Our caption: [Awkward silence].
SEND YOUR CAPTIONS – OR ANY OTHER QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, CONCERNS – TO: email@example.com.