Monday Scramble: Tree trouble

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Welcome to the Monday Scramble, where we ask you to say “Tartar sauce on your Tartan jacket” five times fast. (Bonus points if you do it with a Boston accent.)

We don’t know if this is a popular game at “The Crazy Crab” Seafood Restaurant on Hilton Head Island, S.C. – also the location of last weekend’s Verizon Heritage, where Brian Gay won by 1,000 – but it should be, plaid and simple.

• • •

MAD SKILLS: Surfing the Web this week, we here at the Scramble couldn’t help but notice how many articles, blogs, Tweets, status updates, instant messages, faxes, Pony Express letters, carrier pigeon messages, Bat Signals, wire transfers, Morse code messages and singing telegrams expressed disappointment with Tiger Woods’ disgruntlement last Sunday at the Masters – our favorite stating that Woods acted “as grim as an undertaker” following his round and perhaps even dented his “reputation” and his “soul” with all that club-throwing and cursing and what have you.

Woods is neither an angel nor a Cabrera – but what else is new? You don’t win 14 majors without high expectations for yourself, do you? Michael Jordan regularly tore into his teammates, but who remembers that?

I wanna be, wanna be like Mike!

Sure, we knew Tiger was a little PO’d Sunday evening, but there was also good reason: On Masters Sunday, Tiger Woods hit his drive into the trees and then into the middle of a tree trunk on 18, made bogey, lost to bitter rival Phil Mickelson by a shot and lost the tournament by a few more.

One point we must emphasize here:

He. Hit. The. Middle. Of. A. Tree.

Mortals should be celebrating, if anything. Woods hit a tree, threw a club and blew off some steam – all imperfections that make perfect sense to weekend hackers: Bark, bark and more bark.

Bad message to send to junior golfers? Sure, whatever.

Pretty awesome to the dude who hit his ball in the lake three times on 18 last Friday in the Office League and made quintuple bogey to lose by five shots to the jerk in the adjacent cubicle who wears his sunglasses inside and recites “CaddyShack 2” quotes all day long?

Yes, forever.

I am Tiger Woods.

• • •

ECONOMIC UPDATE: Woods also said Masters Sunday that he almost won “with a Band-Aid swing” and Johnson & Johnson’s stock went up almost $2 per share last week.

That whole “One-Man Stimulus Plan” thing still seems to be working.

• • •

>> CREATE-A-CAPTION: Last week...

photo

Real caption: Angel Cabrera rides to the green jacket presentation after defeating Kenny Perry on the second sudden death playoff hole to win the 2009 Masters (Photo by Harry How/Getty Images)

Our caption: Instead of a green jacket, Angel Cabrera asked if he could have a green golf cart instead.

Your captions:

“Mr. Johnson, driving the cart bringing Angel Cabrera to the Jacket Presentation, will still be a assessed $100 fine for allowing riders in the back of the cart ... .”

– Greg W.

Angel: “Mire mi mano, él es casi tan grande como mi cabeza.” (Translator: “Look at my hand, it’s nearly as big as my head.”)

– Scott W.

“No interpreter needed!

– Larry R.

“And then they gave me a ride in the first all electric three passenger vehicle!”

– Mark M.

Angel getting glared down from calling shotgun first. Good thing too, because it would’ve been awkward rolling in to your own ceremony with a possible rip in the back.

  • Grace K.

>> CREATE-A-CAPTION: This week...

photo

Real caption: Colin Montgomerie banishes a photographer from inside the ropes during Round 2 of the Volvo China Open at the Beijing CBD International in Beijing, China. (Photo by Guang Niu/Getty Images)

Our caption: “Shine my shoes then get me a pie!”

SEND YOUR CAPTIONS – OR ANY OTHER QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, CONCERNS – TO: mondayscramble@gmail.com.

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