Monday Scramble: March (Tiger) Madness

Welcome to the Monday Scramble, and Happy St. Patrick’s Week.

If you haven’t yet heard, things could get interesting real fast this week and it has nothing to do with the expected upsurge in worldwide Guinness consumption this Wednesday.

At 2:30 p.m. Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla., time today, PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem will conduct a teleconference with members of the national media.

What this is all about remains a secret, though we can only speculate that it has something to do with Tiger Woods’ return to competition, a topic that seems to be about as popular these days as... well, nothing.

(To be fair, our own sources close to the situation say the news is expected to be related to something other than Tiger, but where’s the fun in that?)

TO THE BRACKETS WE GO!!!

That’s right, folks. In honor of March Madness, it’s only fitting that you get your butt in gear and get a WWTR (Where will Tiger return?) office pool going – STAT.

Here’s your bracket:

A CLOSER LOOK AT THE SEEDS:

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Golfweek Illustration

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Golfweek Illustration

  1. Tavistock Cup, March 22-23, Isleworth Golf & Country Club, Windermere, Fla.
  2. The Masters, April 8-11, Augusta (Ga.) National Golf Club
  3. Arnold Palmer Invitational, March 25-28, Bay Hill Club & Lodge, Orlando, Fla.
  4. 2011 Farmers Insurance Open, Jan. 2011, Torrey Pines GC, La Jolla, Calif.
  5. Interstate Mullet Toss, April 25, Pensacola, Fla.. (Note: A Mullet Toss consists of individuals on the beach throwing a mullet fish from a 10-foot circle in Alabama across the state line into Florida.)
  6. Brevard County Manatees Single-A baseball game, April 8, Space Coast Stadium, Melbourne, Fla. (Note: Recommended by Michael Jordan).
  7. United Way Saltwater Fishing Tournament, April 17, Pine Island Sound, Fla.
  8. WBO welterweight title fight vs. Manny Pacquiao (pictured, right), TBA.
  9. I-Drive 5k Run, May 8, Pointe Orlando (International Drive), Orlando, Fla.
  10. Chiquita Classic (Nationwide Tour), July 12-18, TPC River’s Bend, Maineville, Ohio.
  11. Lake Country Fair Talent Show, April 17, Eustis, Fla.
  12. The 97th Tour de France, July 3-25.
  13. Never
  14. The Florida Open, July 16-18, Innisbrook Resort & Golf Club, Palm Harbor, Fla.
  15. Sarasota Chili Cookoff, April 10, Sarasota Fla.
  16. PPA (Professional Putters Association) Western Open (pictured, right), April 17-18, Killeen, Texas.

Which event do we have winning? Easy. Sarasota Chili Cookoff beats Never in overtime.

• • •

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Y.E. Yang shakes the hand of Tiger Woods after defeating him at the PGA Championship.

Tweets are wee by nature, considering their 140-character maximum and similar spellings, but Y.E. Yang took that fact to a different level this week at Doral.

Yang, your reigning PGA champion, posted the following Tweet after being selected for a random drug test after Round 2 at the Blue Monster: “well - on top of a rough round - need to do random drug test - and I just pee’d on 17 !!”

Uh oh! Six minutes later, and after two other Tweets written in Korean, Yang posted: “i am still trying to pee.”

We are still trying to figure out why we still have a Twitter account.

• • •

Two best stories of the week in our opinion:

• After the first 36 holes at Doral, Robert Allenby had made three eagles, one on a par 3 (also known as a hole-in-one on the 232-yard 13th), one on a par 4 and one on a par 5.

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In 36 holes, Robert Allenby has made 12 birdies, 3 eagles (including one ace), seven bogeys and one double bogey.

Is that golf’s version of hitting for the cycle?

• At one point at the stormy Puerto Rico Open, Skip “Putting” Kendall was 3 under thru two holes and over 34 hours and had yet to remove his putter from his bag.

On Thursday, Kendall holed a 7-iron from 159 yards on the par-4 10th for eagle on his opening hole before play was called after just 13 minutes. On Friday, Kendall chipped in on the par-4 11th hole before play was called after 21 minutes.

• • •

• And finally, it was good to see Ernie Els win at Doral Sunday, even if it wasn’t filled with a ton of excitement.

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Ernie Els celebrates after winning the CA Championship.

Thankfully, we fell asleep immediately after the final putt dropped, only to dream that “The Big Easy” celebrated his victory by jumping into the lake surrounding the 18th green and wrestling a big, Blue Monster to death.

Said analyst Johnny Miller (in the dream): “Pay attention to that smooth tempo, amateurs. It may not look so powerful to the naked eye, but Ernie could punch a hole through a teddy bear. He just makes it look so easy.”


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