I want my metal spikes back!

Ronnie Tumlin.

I want my metal spikes back. My right knee wants my metal spikes back. The back of my head wants my spikes back. My lumbar region wants my spikes back. Whose bright idea was it to get rid of spikes? Spikes should be grandfathered for those of us who spent at least half our golf years wearing them.

I no longer have an excuse for missing a 3-footer. I can’t hit the ball squarely when its 3 inches below my feet. I can’t scale a slippery slope. People I owe money to can now sneak up on me. Spikes tell, by the speed of the clickety-clack, how fast someone is coming at you.

Spike marks made good targets for tricky putts. Now, your caddie says hit it 3 inches off the right edge of the cup. I would rather have a spike mark 3 feet in front of me to aim at any day. Yeah, I know the greens are prettier without spike marks.

The most common reason we had spike marks was that golfers didn’t replace the spikes frequently enough. Old spikes would get flat and have a blunt head on the end. It went into the green fine but when you pulled your foot up, the dirt and grass came with it.

I know there still will be spike marks and I hate putting over them as much as anyone. Just change the rules! Allow spike marks to be tapped down on any green at any time. What’s the big deal? Today’s alternative spikes leave different kinds of marks and it’s tough luck if you have to go through one.

I don’t remember guys tearing up knees hitting balls out of sand or straw. I did it two years ago and I’m still gimp-legged.

I want my metal spikes back. I want to hear their sweet tap dance across the parking lot. I still love to see the gnawed wooden steps walking up to an elevated tee.

I’ll bet two bucks you have a pair of patent leathers in the closet or garage. Go put ’em on and walk down the driveway. Go to the range, hit a few and let me know how they feel. I’ll betcha another deuce you’d like to have your spikes back, too.

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